Whispered Secret

Perhaps it has been too long a time,
that I have forgotten what it is like
to gaze into another pair of starry eyes,
and know I have found an equal.

Perhaps it has been too long a time,
that I have forgotten what it is like
to trace a name on my ruptured skin,
and watch it engrave itself on my bones.

Sometimes I tremble as I quietly wonder,
what it would be like
should you reciprocate these innate feelings,
and lead me into a garden of heavenly beauty.

Sometimes I tremble as I quietly wonder,
what it would be like
to feel your skin on the small of my back,
and feel your breath on my ear.

There are times when I jolt from my dreams,
only to cringe as I realise
you must have eluded me all these years,
because our paths were never meant to cross.

There are times when I jolt from my dreams,
only to cringe as I realise
you will find happiness soon,
in someone separate from me.

Sometimes I tremble as I quietly gather,
all old heartaches
to lock them into the cracks of my being,
so as to reprise my role in time to come.

Sometimes I tremble as I quietly gather
all old heartaches
so that you will only get the best of me -
if only I could tell you.

This is not a new confession;
an epiphany of the heart.

This is a psalm of longing;
a vow to you
as I come
knocking on your closed door.

Juvenile Fears

I have come to the age when
as I strain towards the closed doors of
this voyage which threatens to sink,
I desperately cling on to
the feathered remains of
a childhood long lost

I still remember the day when
I succeeded in transforming
a quote in the Bible to memory;
How delighted was I then,
to impress the giants who
had parked themselves beside me

I fear for the day when
I leave this roof over me,
to embark on my lonesome quest;
The shield round my heart will
be irreversibly shattered to
reveal its obscure naivety

I will crumble ineluctably when
the time comes for me to
be integrated into the flood;
I thrash fitfully in this dead sea,
get drawn under by those
too thirsty to lose out

I will be unrecognizable when
I finally reach the end of
this debilitate voyage;
having been disfigured by
the unending surges of
inexplicable power of higher order

I may turn my back on
the perfidious law of the Earth
when it is time for me to fall;
for I fear the conundrums that
will undoubtedly char the heart
of a childhood long lost

The Tyrant

Come down he has
-the tyrant of nighmares.
He curses and swears;
at budding brutes he stares.
Contemplating their potential,
ensnaring them little by little.
He's gotten excited
-he's foaming at the mouth.
"This one's an angry one!"

"That one's a dangerous one!"

"This one's manipulative!"
"That one's just plain scary!"

The children he adores
-those crawling on all fours.
When they grow up,
his heart turns to stone.
Ugly, ugly ducklings;
selfish, selfish souls.
He's gotten angry
-the tyrant with the devil's horns.
"You're grounded!"

They've gotten away
-run from the tyrant, far away.
Failed them he has,
the tyrant of nightmares.
At night he shivers
-tormented by dreams that sour.
Discovers he does
-the plight of the misunderstood.

The Monster

I feel it bubbling,
burning beneath my skin.
It stares at my heart,
like a dagger; as though
it would engulf me.
Its arms would wind round me,
snaking down my back;
caressing the bruises.
It would whisper
love songs in my ear.
Leaving me breathless;
my fears behind.

Then it would grab me
out of no where.
It would wring;
make a rag of me.
I would topple
over the edge;
falling into the darkness
forever.

Machine

Sometimes I wish,
I were a machine -
I'd watch all of them
with eyes that kill.

I would work
around the clock;
rest would be
redundant to me.

There would be
no need for friends;
nor a need
for support.

I would stop
at absolutely nothing
to attain
the highest power.

There would be
no need for lovers,
for my heart
would be of stone.

When you look
into my eyes,
they will be blank;
they will be dead.

My eyes would be
empty
I will own no
soul

Just organs
encased in
a hard frame.
A machine.

I Hope You Remember

They say we're all poor without love
You're filled to the brim in riches
Gold and diamonds caress your fingers
They say we'll be poor without love
I'm a beggar amongst the bones
The voice in my heart turned to stone

I hope you remember the way I do
How we used to laugh and cry
How you pressed your heart to mine
I hope you remember the way I do
It doesn't take a fool to know
You're all caught up in her now

I know you've thrown it all away
Burnt your memory the day I died
Burnt my soul every time I tried
I know you've thrown it all away
Somehow I conjure no hate for you
Stowed away is just longing for you

Certain people just stay with you
Even through we've been worlds apart
Trying to pick the pieces up

Destruction

A fire blossoms
A flower withers
A head spins
Stuck in reverse
A bond divides
A unit shatters
A mourner grieves
Buried in terrors

She claws down the sky
Her meaning in life has left
As he is buried by night
She draws blood from her heart
She claws down the sky
Alone by herself, she cries

A fire crackles
A letter burns
Winter overrules
A heart freezes
A father cries
His daughter runs
A lover leaves
His partner destroyed

Darkness closes in
Entraps her in misery
Draws herself within
Lost in the dead of night

Lost And Unfound

Running away from mesmerizing flames
Catching herself, she backs off before it's too late
Been there before, wouldn't be there again
Lifts up her face, wondering if she's done herself right
Bites her tongue, looks back at his burning face
Convinces herself, this time, there will be an end

Searching for a face among strangers
Hoping one will fill the cracks of her heart
She bends and breaks till there's nothing left

Stumbling, she's face to face with a barren forest
Trudging on, she refuses to turn back
In her mind, she plays movies of her pain
Remembering how he would always be there
Now to have thrown her aside for another
She claws at herself, hoping to remove the stains

Looks around for people she thought she knew
How they've been reduced to less than few
Begs for the life she never thought he would steal

Final Acceptance

Stumbling down these streets
My heart is naked
My heart is raw
Ignoring all my needs
My soul is famished
Your words impure

I'm walking on a thread
Chasing ghosts in my head
Because the feeling's dead

Please fill the cracks in my heart
I plead you
I need this
Then loneliness and I can part
Loveliness
Forever

Burnt from the fire
I'm running to you
Don't turn away
Innermost desires
Too long neglected
They've been rejected

Peel away charred remains
Enter unbound domains
Erase all battered stains

I am freezing in the cold
Dragging my ruptured soul
Looking for belonging
But if you'll take me in
I'll be warmed to the skin
Melting in my bones

Possibilities

There is an end to all suffering
Please let this end be you
Years spent seeing but not knowing
You're in everything I do

Male-dominated beginnings
I've faithfully stuck to
I hope you'll end my childish musings
Just by saying you do

We've been two tortured souls
On separate journeys
We could be one beating heart
On an adventure of healing

I've found my comfort in your embrace
We will not live forever
I know your past you can't erase
You're my answer to 'together'

They say "You'll know it when he comes"
What if he's always been there
They say pretenders there are some
Can't you see I've always been here

Maybe I'll find you at forty
Time is an evil foe
Maybe then you'll really see me
The well in my heart for you

Cringe

Watch them sashay hand in hand
Eyes dilate then constrict
Happy lovers you can't stand
Convinced there is nothing to want
Heart clenches and unclenches
As theirs beat as one

Maybe someday you will be loved
The way that you are
Maybe someday you will love
The way you once loved

Forgiveness comes without forgetfulness
Thrust aside by trust's wrath
Nothing left but wariness
Innate tendencies for betrayal
Left you drowning underwater
Without chances of survival

Stare hard with eyes unfeeling
Pulsating sorrow overcomes you
They dance on, unknowing
Whisper love songs through their minds
Electrified hearts connecting
You never heeded the signs

Maybe someday he will come back
Begging for mercy
Maybe someday you will learn
Break this guarded heart

The cages of your heart
Will one day be free again
By one who will never part
He will fight your darkness
To burn you once again
The end of feigned jubilance

Critical Disclaimer

Lost in the rat race
The TV doesn't entertain
Blurred motion over screens
Tears run down her face
Scorn at it with disdain
Isn't real, it only seems

Music is noise for the young
Morality has a new meaning
Money rains from skies
Songs are screamed, not sung
Knowing but not seeing
As Earth is engulfed with lies

All we need is a worldwide epidemic
The human race would cease to exist
Maybe then Earth would be saved
All we need is a saviour to mimic
We'll follow him the Exorcist
Maybe then Earth would be saved

Love is fictional
Now devoid of beauty
Once able to revive
Greed becomes unintentional
Bound to normality
Now unable to survive

Lovers become haters
Blood shed for blood wars
Justice is never true
The innocent suffer
The unjust free from banter
Freedom so to sue

The blind and naive will go down first
Then come the weak in heart
Then goes the stubborn in mind
The survival of the fittest
Only one will never part
With his heart, soul and time

Shame

In a world full of modernity
We are filled with animosity
Lovers turn to hate for comfort
Revenge has become average work
They see that in life, there is not a hope
So why not just runaway and elope

Super humans in Marvel comics have gotten us hypnotised
But we know that unlike them, we aren't devoid of lies
Loneliness doesn't escape with communication lines
Perhaps we need the help of the early simple life
Where people loved and fought and loved again

In a world where greed is priority
Money washes the unfortunate out to sea
While the lowly sink into the lack thereof
Kindness is returned with flashes of fury
Hope is lost in the sea of stilettos
As women bend and break in falsettos

People like this will sink into oblivion
With eyes blind to the goodness of the risen
Perhaps I need a crash-course on light-heartedness
To put me in the middle of the prank of happiness

Deviation

I find myself in a wishful stupor
Mind focused on nothing but walking out the door
Into the bright and blinding sunlight
I hear my name but I can't stand another fight
Because all I really want is to get out
Escape; all of these I'd do without

Could someone?

Fly me away on a horse-drawn carriage
Stuck in a forceful one-sided marriage
An unholy matrimony to the world and its plasticity
I wonder what happened to the simple life and all its beauty
We all escape to worlds beyond

Writhing to keep my head above the clouds
The silence is too deafeningly loud
Reaching out for an invisible hand
Hoping for a haven pure and true to land
Suffocating; my lungs are on fire
Shivering as I fumble down the ladder

Could someone?

The idea of Mars as a home is gaining its appeal
Maybe we could discuss this over a meal
Corporate ladders turn me off like human droppings
Maybe you could say that of the world, I'm full of misunderstandings

Open Doors

Planted in front of white-washed walls
Shake your head, you'd have a thousand falls
Turn on your heel and walk on
Come down to dilapidated doors
No good for you, they'll have you working on all fours
Square your shoulders, you're not forlorn

There comes a time where you sit and think
Of a place where nothing goes by in a wink
These are the days where you will find the strength in you
They are not worth it, more than not worth
Your blood and tears, the energy in their mirth
Pick yourself up and walk on, just like you always do

Arrive at the gates of a stately kingdom
Take a peek, it promises you freedom
The pull is too strong for you to turn back
Enter the gates, they show you wonders of another land
When you're comfortable they'll lead you out by the hand
Hand of metal, hearts as good as black

There comes a time where you sit and break
Apart the parts of your soul they've held in your wake
These are the days where you'll be defeated
By those unworthy, unworthy of your blood
Those who have gotten you by the self and heart
Throw them away, all away, how long you've waited

Build yourself up as a soldier
Once you're out those gates and yonder
You'll be ready for the next battle
This time they won't get you
They will never get you

Ironman

There are times when I'm attacked by crazy dreams
We would elope for a love that would never cease
Then I'd wake, realising you have moved on to her
While I lie beating myself up for not choosing another
I used to be your life and soul
Now she stands trembling, begging for the heart you stole

I wish you kindness, I wish you a change of heart
I wish that with your ways, you'll forever part
I wish you wisdom, I wish you compassion
You ought to be on the front page for taking us as transactions
You ought to be condemned for that iron heart of yours

There are times when I think I've put this behind me
Gotten on with a life that's so much more worth living for
Then I'd regress once more, sinking back to uncertainty
Pulling all thought of you and her down with me
I should have progressed much more than this;
Time is a cruel thing; I have to make it through in one piece

I agree you've opened up my eyes to the world
Without you I would have still been the child I was
It's your turn to grow up, why won't you grow up?
Hearts are fragile objects to play with, Ironman

There Was A Time

There was a time when I was your everything,
Or so you believed.
There was a time when you were my everything,
That will come to change.
There was a time my reluctant caresses drove you crazy;
What happened to it all?
There was a time the mere sight of you made my entire week;
It kills me now.
There was a time when we shared our lives;
Every part of it.
There was a time when we believed we had a future;
Shattered as it has.

Regression

I wonder where you are out there
I wonder what you're thinking, in this chair
You're like a vice I can never let go of
I know I were a mere speck of dust you couldn't wait to shake off
I wonder where did I go wrong
All i can do now is write this sad song

I have learnt to come out of this shell
You've unknowingly encased me in
Just let me regress this one time,
Once more

Seems like life is all love, sacrifice and heartache
I will go with all but one headache
Knowing you would never be here again
Nor have your sweet breath on me again
I will grit my teeth and deny all claims of missing you
Because sometimes the lies are easier to make do
So comes the closure of this sad song

I go about my daily routines
But all the time replaying scenes; our scenes
Life has gone on for me as I have learnt
From the way you made me fall and left me all burnt
I wonder what I could have done;
I never foresaw this game that you'd win

I have taught myself to set free
The parts of my heart you blatantly stole
Just let me regress this one time
Once more

Maybe she will love you more than I could
Maybe someone better will love you more than she could
That, I'll never come to know

The Afterlife

I've got ghosts in my sleep and a burning in my brain
Another flashback and I see where we had lain
I remember the tingles up my spine
And how I had thought we were so fine
I've been chasing shadows in my mind
Too much for too long, too fast and too far gone

How was I to convince myself not everything lasts forever?
And that there is a beginning in every ending?
All I know is that my heart would never waver
I'll be waiting for an end to my self-pitying
Till then I'll fight the demons and ghosts of you
Just to feel alive in this sightly world

You wanted a love song and now you've got eight
Tell me what I didn't do that made it too late
Children should never be taught fairy tales
Dreams against reality where dreams will fail
Where in my life have I faltered
Someone should have warned me about this

So now I've showered you with eight love songs
All of which will never get to you in this lifetime
Where is the point in writing when you are all gone
I don't know how or why and I shall never know in this lifetime
Maybe I will in the next
Maybe I will in the next
This is the afterlife of you

Weakened Warrior

I see myself as a three-dimensional being
With eyes wide open but not seeing
The gaps within myself require something
To fill they up and down to nothing
There is a battle I cannot fight
So is it better, then, to take flight?

Am I missing something, here in this life?
I do not know but all I do know is my strife

They say it's better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all
All I know is I've paid the highest cost
Only to have fallen the hardest fall
Is there something I can do for you?
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you

You are nothing but a square void, just stone to me
Out of reach but not quite out of mind
Was it something I said, I did, you said, you did?
It's a mystery that I'll never let be
You are something I cannot forget
And try as I might you're someone I'll never get back

So this is how it ends
So this is how it goes
In and out of my life you have flown
And it's been ages but I haven't grown
From the state you left me
Stuck in this make-believe

Maybe

So it was the wrong place at the wrong time
I only couldn't see everything was against it
They told me I was too young and out of my mind
Who were they to tell me I couldn't stand on my own feet
I knew they were right but I just wouldn't admit
That one day I would be where I am

Maybe if you were different and I were different
Maybe if I were willing to let go of conventions
Maybe if you stuck to me no matter how it went
Maybe if we could understand you didn't mean all you said and shown
Maybe then we would be different
As far as different could go

So I ran past all the advice and right into the fire
Now I've been burnt right through with nothing more to lost
They always say 'once bitten, twice shy'
Now that my heart's been cut raw and I've to chose
To keep my pride intact or go crawling back
That's another stab through the heart, it'll break me apart

But we are who we are and that would never change
I'll stick to conventions like I thought you would to me
Commitment was something you couldn't make yourself have
I took your word and I believed in everything yous aid to me
We're where we are now for better or for worse
As far as worse can go